There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
