I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
