I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
