The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
