i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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