Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
