I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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