grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
