It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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