That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.