So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
