Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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