Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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