Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4

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  (973): ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4 http://tfl.nu/vujr
  Replies (8) Good night (1267) Bad night (706)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!

  (917): View more from New York City

  question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?

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  (856): i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done! (917): question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut? http://tfl.nu/3a66
  Replies (24) Good night (2410) Bad night (529)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

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  (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j
  Replies (39) Good night (5714) Bad night (795)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people

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  (604): You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people http://tfl.nu/m3p8
  Replies (11) Good night (3708) Bad night (1123)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them

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  (971): eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them http://tfl.nu/lmi8
  Replies (10) Good night (962) Bad night (4252)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me

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  (815): I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me http://tfl.nu/9tpu
  Replies (15) Good night (6253) Bad night (919)
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  (916): View more from California

  She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.

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  (916): She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared. http://tfl.nu/d52d
  Replies (14) Good night (921) Bad night (2521)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.

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  (318): I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck. http://tfl.nu/uef5
  Replies (10) Good night (783) Bad night (1798)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"

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  (845): You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender" http://tfl.nu/qf49
  Replies (3) Good night (1509) Bad night (503)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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  (316): ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid. (316): And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming http://tfl.nu/9ifj
  Replies (2) Good night (922) Bad night (386)
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  (310): View more from California

  Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.

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  (310): Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage. http://tfl.nu/meih
  Replies (12) Good night (1842) Bad night (426)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.

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  (724): You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures. http://tfl.nu/2cky
  Replies (1) Good night (791) Bad night (313)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.

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  (478): So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando. http://tfl.nu/7jrk
  Replies (6) Good night (889) Bad night (355)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.

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  (603): YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP. http://tfl.nu/wagi
  Replies (6) Good night (902) Bad night (325)
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  (518): View more from New York

  he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!

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  (518): he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him! http://tfl.nu/wppf
  Replies (2) Good night (291) Bad night (493)

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