Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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