it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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