Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
