she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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