Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
