I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
