I haven't been this sober since birth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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