Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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