Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
