I'm eating all of the evidence.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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