oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
