I just cut my nipple shaving
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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