i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
