dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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