She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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