Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
