dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
