I murdered the dance floor call the cops
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize