tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
