How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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