Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
