At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
