he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
