Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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