Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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