I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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