AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bring money and cleavage
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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