i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
BRING THE BAGELS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
