He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
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