When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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