smell my finger.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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