Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
