I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
