i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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