i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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