i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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