So drunk its hurt
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
