Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
