he shaved USA in his pubs
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
