He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
