Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
