I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize