Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
