Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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