Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
