Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
