yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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