I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
