A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
