as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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