This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
