I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
