a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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