Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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