I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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