It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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