Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
